i watched that video today, the 'here am i' one.. and checked out my pictures from Mexico, not knowing that i really hadn't looked at them all that closely.  which is really sad.  and as i looked at them- i thought, wow... they look a lot like the cool pictures i see, and say "wow.. i want to do that"  we always underestimate ourselves, stupidity... because when we underestimate ourselves, we underestimate God.. for as long as we trust in Him, we can do what needs to be done.

and i realized, that i want to break the hearts. i want to go where no one has gone before. i want to do that.. and i wonder why i would desire do badly to go... if i weren't supposed to.  because, i dont desire to teach, i dont desire to work in a hospital.  i want to go. what is our life if we don't do something with it.  and THEN i realized- that i say this.. all the time, i just want to go. i want to go- but i havent.. i dont know how to get there.  do i have to go to college for stuff like that, do i just go, will i be fed, will i be safe and provided for.. are these things ligistical. i havent the slightest clue- its like i have all this information about stuff i DONT want to do, but none about the things i do want to do..

ive thought about majoring theology.. but that would just put me behind a desk somewhere in the United States.. ive thought about business so i could be behind a desk in africa.. and ive thought about the HA... to just get out there, and find out.  and its like the devil keeps pushing me down. closing my doors.. i guess i should find a window.

hmm.. i duno what to think about that. and now.. i really want to move to africa and just stay. i want to minister to the people who have never heard before. to the people that havent had the chance. and i suppose thats where everyone has their special purpose in the body of Christ. 

it just hurts me that most people here have had to chance to have a relationship with Christ.  we have Christian bookstores on every corner.. we have Bibles at our will... and many have chosen to not think about it, or not to have a relationship, because they know what they are doing is wrong. and because of their guilt, they push it to the back of their minds- hoping to never have to face it.  and- i guess you could say i'm being harsh. but... the world needs a little honesty.

so who decides between staying here; and ministering to those who have already decided to not make a choice, or going elsewhere; and ministering to those who havent had to chance to know.. who decides which one is right. 

neither is right or wrong

i guess my heart's just with those who live in countries where its illegal to have a Bible, the countries where they have church underground, where they're shot and killed for believing. no one ever likes to think about them, because its a sad reality.. and if we push it far enough into the backs of our minds.. maybe it will go away.  in our land that is plentiful- where our seeds of abundance flow.  but what if you were in the desert place.. in the wilderness. wouldn't you want someone to come tell you..

wow- this was in the Global Ex blog- kind of.. scary

Ruth shouldn't have walked home alone at night...but she did. 

And as she crossed the street in her familiar neighborhood something happened that shouldn't have happened..but it did. 

In between two apartment buildings Ruth was grabbed from behind and attacked.  For 1 hour she screamed and fought her assailant.  She cried out for help...and no help came.

Instead, Ruth was beaten, and then murdered.

Later, as the lights of the cop cars flickered on the building walls, residents were questioned one by one.

"Didn't you hear this young girl screaming for help?" The leading officer asked each one.

"Yes." They all replied.  "We did."

The officer was shocked and confused. "Then why didn't you call 911, or do something to help?"

Slowly, they would hang their heads and lower their eyes...ashamed. "We all thought someone else would do something, but instead...no one did."

Ruth is a picture of the world.  Desperate and in a situation that isn't God's plan, the nations are screaming for help...crying out for anyone to come and show them truth.

But too often, we think "someone else will go."

...and no one does.

FRIENDS

Name your shortest and tallest friend.
01. hannah
02. matthew

Name someone from your first and last class.
03. carson
04. ben

Name someone who nevers eats much and someone who eats a lot.
05. seth
06. clay

Name someone who loves surveys and someone who doesn't do surveys.
07. autumn
08. evan

Name someone who does a sport/activity and someone who doesn't do sports.
09. robert
10. me

Name a person from another school and a person from another grade.
11. aaron
12. travis

Name one girl and one guy.
13. maggie
14. gray

Name somone in band or chorus and someone who isn't musically inclined.
15. matthew
16. trent

Name someone who is a new friend this year and someone you've know forever.
17. zachary
18. clay

Would 1 ever paint their room yellow and black? i duno.. i would venture to say no... her favorite colors green

Would 6 ever go out with 10? ....yeha. duh

Is 10 shy? yeh.. a lot. i think

Is 12 optimistic or pessimistic? optimistic

Does 17 have any pets? 2 dogs. rocky and bazzle :]

Does 1 do any sports? yeh.. shes the next mia hamm

Is 6 a big flirt?.. yeh. like- the biggest

How well do you know 2? not a lot at all

Do 18 and 1 know each other? i think maybe. possibly

Could 11 be street savy? hahaha no

Does 9 have great style? hm... sometimes. not- GREAT style. but.. decent

What is 3’s birthday? i duno.. i just met him like. this semester

What is 5’s favorite food? yeh i duno that either. he eats cereal a lot i think. but he really likes mtn dew. and dr. pepper

Does 8 ever seem to use the comp? yeh- hes a computer genius

Do 17 and 18 hang out a lot? nah- they duno each other, although if they did hang out- i think it would be extremely hilarious.

Does 14 have a good memory or a horrible one? he remembers what he wants to

Can you stereotype 4? bum

Does 7 have some pretty cool pants? yeh man. shes got cool everything

Does 13 have a criminal record...or do you think they ever will? hahahah(*&@# yes.. shes a felon. yall need to watch that one.

What is 15’s middle name? stephen

Does 17 or 18 like anyone else on the list? yeh- they both like me. hahah

Could 7 ever be a FBI agent? shes deadly with a pistol.. so yeh

What is 12’s favorite movie? i seriously.. duno

Does 4 read a lot? naw he always falls asleep in class.

Has 3 ever stuck their tongue out at you? cant say that he has

Could 3 go out with 11? ew i hope not.

Could 2 ever be the president? psh.. yeh. freakin geniuses

Has 9 ever gone out with 5 or 7? naw. but hes gona marry number 7

that was fun. i havent done one of those in a long long time. now that ive wasted like 25 minutes of my time- im going to read and eat doughnuts. that i seriously dont need. fat & happy :]

sweet dreams

CALLAS

so i decided to copy autumn. somewhat.

callas being my favorite flower- i thought i would tribute them and give a lotta praise to God for them, so maybe my pink ones will come back this year.... just maybe. if they dont- ill just be heartbroken. heart ... broken.

so today has been swelllll thus far. went to the tannin bed. didnt have to work ;] went by to see grama.. and went to wal mart- where i bought clearance makeup, and a less needed cd. but i really wanted to hear allison krauss.. it was like a craving. horrible. i know

today is a decent feeling day- hm. a little cold, but decent none the less. i think i should increase my vocabulary. i think that is imperative. and spelling, sometimes im not so good at spelling. i should go back to the third grade, where vocab tests and spelling tests were the highlight of the week

ima tell you what. i used some new deoderant today.. and my underarms smell goooood. hahaha mystic rain. that mess is the jank.  that and mexican food.

ive noticed.. im somewhat random lately. i think its because im in a good mood. this weeks gone by so slow- but its been really good. like. one of the best weeks ive had in a while. ive been busy. but- its fun :]

goin to class tonight, really wish i had a nap. hey its only 4. i can get like.. an hour and a half. so i think i will.... night. sleep tight. dont let the bed bugs bite. all that stuff.